I spent the vast majority of my 20s (and a good chunk of my 30s) thinking quotes like, “Every failure is a step to success,” were absolute garbage spewed by growth mindset folks who want to sell me useless self-help books.
It's time for an intervention, everybody! We need to have a serious conversation about our relationship with failure. And I’m not sure I could have picked a better day for it.
Today is February 29, also known as Leap Day.
Is Leap Day a good thing? Well, that depends on who you ask.
In Scotland, leap years on the whole are considered deeply unlucky — ”Leap year was never a good sheep year.” The same is true in Greece, where couples are discouraged from choosing the novelty date for their wedding, because divorce is almost guaranteed and (bonus!) they’ll never find true love. The same is true for Italian couples.
So, if you’re pro-sheep and pro-true love, today might give you pause.
I’m an artist.
Given that my ancestry is both Scottish and Italian, you’d think I’d also be wary of today and the catastrophic failures in sheep, life, and love it might bring with it. But I’m not!
This year, I'm leaning into February 29 with reckless abandon because, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become much more welcoming and accepting of falling flat on my face in my life.
Getting rejected when you ask someone out on a date feels like submitting to an unsolicited root canal in front of a live studio audience while you stress-fart every 20 seconds.
Walking face-first into the consequences of my own actions is like intentionally hitting myself in the nose with a cast iron skillet, so I can’t even be mad. I have no one to blame but myself!
Being passed over for a job you really want is like … OK, I don’t have another good analogy in the holster, but it sucks. You feel bad about yourself, and you still have bills to pay.
You get my point.
Still, even if I’m devastated when something goes wrong, I almost always end up being wildly grateful for those failures in the long run.
To be fair, I spent the vast majority of my 20s (and a good chunk of my 30s) thinking quotes like, “Every failure is a step to success,” were absolute garbage spewed by growth mindset folks who wanted to sell me useless self-help books.
Today, I’m annoyed to admit they were right. Ugh. I hate it.
Here’s why:
I’ve never been rejected by a guy who was right for me.
I’ve never learned a hard lesson as the result of my own actions that didn’t offer me the opportunity to, once and for all, break an old pattern or level-up in some way, even if I have a bit of my own mess to clean up.
If I had gotten that job I so desperately wanted 10 years ago, I wouldn’t be sitting here, writing this newsletter, and enjoying a career I’m immensely passionate about. Heck, I wouldn’t know most of my very close friends, either. Including George!
Someone much smarter once told me:
“Life got a lot easier for me when I stopped looking at failures as fatal and started looking at them as little experiments that show me what I need to do next.”
So, on this either very lucky or terribly unlucky Leap Day, I want to challenge you to rethink how you approach your relationship with failure. Will you wallow as a victim and let your failures confirm your worst fears about yourself, or (with a little time to process) will you pick yourself back up off the ground and ask yourself:
Failures come in all shapes and sizes. In some cases, yes, we made a mistake, and we have to pick ourselves back up. In other cases, we may not have failed at all, we just can't see the big picture yet.
What is self-care? What isn't self-care? Is self-care selfish or indulgent? These are the questions so many of us struggle to answer — heck, even me, and I'm fully on board the self-care train.
In the heat of the moment, when anger or fear flashes through our bodies, it can feel easier (healing or cathartic, even!) to point at the world and yell, "Why are you doing this to me?!"
“When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive – to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.” – Marcus Aurelius
"Winning is great, sure, but if you are really going to do something in life, the secret is learning how to lose. Nobody goes undefeated all the time. If you can pick up after a crushing defeat, and go on to win again, you are going to be a champion someday." — Wilma Rudolph
“Daring to set boundaries is abou t having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.” — Brené Brown
"Home isn’t where you’re from, it’s where you find light when all grows dark.” ― Pierce Brown
🏆 Your Challenge from George
Mindset Challenge
What would happen if you chose to be a victor rather than a victim?
😂 Laughter Therapy
Look, sometimes we don't need advice ... we just need to lighten up. So, here's your weekly dose of shenanigans and tomfoolery.
Until next issue! 👋
Liz Moorehead
Co-host, Beyond Your Default
P.S. Questions? Feedback! Wanna say hi? Reply directly to this email!
George B. Thomas, 7002 Farm Pond Road, Indian Trail, NC 28079, USA, 330-232-6117
